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JUST WHEN YOU THINK YOU HAVE THE STRENGTH TO PULL THROUGH AND IT HAPPENS AGAIN

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JUST WHEN YOU THINK YOU HAVE THE STRENGTH TO PULL THROUGH AND IT HAPPENS AGAIN

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I am writing this with all the anger i have in me.You know sometimes things get a little thin at work and all you do is hope for the best and even push yourself a little further just so you can get through whatever it is you are going through yet everything around you is working against you.And all you are thinking is,i could simply resign and go back to school or hold on to false and fruitless efforts just because you don’t want to disappoint your family and spoil the good name of your family.

Truth be told i love working,but with my hands mostly.Something handy,something i can actually look at the outcome at the end of the day and it actually makes sense.But you see in an office setting you don’t get to do that,you don’t even get to think about new ideas and share it out ,you have to do things in a certain way,routine kind of way.The same way things were done ten years ago yet things have changed.

It gets annoying,frustrating and every other ill thing there is to say.But you still hold on.I think its a Kenyan thing to hold on no matter how bad things get just so to impress your parents and earn respect from your peers.I mean to be young and lucky enough to find work in this tough economy is just insane right.That basically means you are among the lucky few.But nobody really knows how your day looks like,so you laugh and smile and wave like any other happy person but deep in side,you are a sinking ship.

Some might think,young people nowadays all you do is complain,during our time blah blah blah.An endless annoying speech that would have made a lot of sense in the 90s but now is nothing but words.

Right now am staring at a resignation letter,its two lines now am yet to complete it and by the look of things i will most definitely complete it and hand it over.

Maybe am just extremely mad and talking and acting out of anger,lemme cool of first.

You all have a stress free day.

 

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Hope in the darkest of days

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We have all been there at one point,maybe even more than once.You wake up feeling sick,annoyed,teary,stressed out for no apparent reason.And you start questioning all the decisions you’ve made so far in life and even doubt you choices.You start thinking maybe getting that degree wasn’t really the smartest decision,maybe a business would have been a better decision only at that time your parents(African parents btw) were running the show.And so many other crazy ideas  go through your mind and you question each one.

The one thing you forget is  life is taking a punch at you.At the moment it may feel like the hardest punch ,one you might never recover from.Its called underestimating yourself when you need yourself the most.

Our friends might try to cheer us up but if it’s not in us to try and make it better and make the most out of each situation it will all  be in vain.At first I use to think that it’s probably just me who gets that feeling sometimes but after opening up to one friend,he ended up inviting another friend to the discussion and before i knew it we were about a group of ten.After opening up and talking through it,it ended up being the best days so far this year.I even felt happier but the best thing that happened is ,i felt so much stronger afterwards.More like i was ready to get out there again and face whatever came my way.

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So here’s the thing,I don’t know what it is you are going through right now.All i know is no matter how bad it is,you have it in you to get past it.Though i also know it’s easier said than done,but you have to at least try. You’ll’ be amazed at just how much strength you had in you.

Surprise yourself,you owe yourself that much.

 

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One thing about writing is,at some point you run out of things to write about and not because you lack creativity but because there is more o writing than just creativity.You need inspiration,passion for your subject and most of all peace of mind.Without these you might end up thinking,’Maybe writing really isn’t my thing”.Just […]

via A thank you is more than enough — My life my story,what’s yours?

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A thank you is more than enough

Express your Gratitude with Thank You Flowers

 

One thing about writing is,at some point you run out of things to write about and not because you lack creativity but because there is more o writing than just creativity.You need inspiration,passion for your subject and most of all peace of mind.Without these you might end up thinking,’Maybe writing really isn’t my thing”.Just yesterday it hit me,i really don’t have to draw my inspiration from far,all i have to do is look closely and sure enough i did find my inspiration.

See theres this event I’ve been planning.Its a work thing.Considering am a newbie and all,its only natural to get worried and little bit scared.Will it go as planned?What if it fails?Was i convincing enough?Is this really my thing?I could barely sleep a couple of days to the event.But then i decided ill do everything within my means to make it work.And so i did just that.Made phone calls,sent messages,made arrangements.

In the process i was referred to lady who apparently is extremely good at decor.Now she’s not those fancy interior designers we are used to ,she’s a waitress in the company’s cafeteria but has an extremely good eye and taste for decoration.Well we had a professional doing the decor but i also needed assistance with some details and it so happens it was her off day.Getting her to come help i knew would be an uphill task but guess what she came through for me and keep in mind its not like i was paying for her services but all the same she came through.

Clearly she could tell i needed the help .my future in the company would more or less depend on that.Cut the long story short it went on without any hitches,the best i could do is say thank you as the event came to a close.What came after the thank you made me shed a tear,she hugged me.I don’t know why,is it something i did or said i’ll never know.All i know is i was desperately in need of help and someone i barely know came to the rescue and the best i could offer is a thank you.

I’ve heard more than once from my grandmother a thank you is worth more than any amount of money and yesterday i confirmed that.Never under estimate the power of words.It may not mean much when said but trust me it leaves nothing but sweet memories to the recipient.

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Being a lady in the 21st century

Source: Being a lady in the 21st century

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Being a lady in the 21st century

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I sometimes envy those ladies now women who grew up during my mum’s era.Women who are now in their late forties .Simply because their life was easier then.The society didn’t really demand too much from them then or so i think .Thing is during those days women were confined to domestic chores and nothing more.Those who were lucky then and got an education are what i would now call the mothers of transition.

Why?They gave birth to the new crop of ladies we are seeing now,commonly referred to us the millennial.Our mothers gave birth to us keeping in mind no kid whether male or female should have an upper hand over the other.And so the girls i grew up played football during break time just like the boy child,performed way better than the boys or at par with them and got into arguments too just like the boy child and even at times though barbaric got into fist fights too.

Living life for any young lady in the 21st century  has now been redefined.We now have young ladies getting into professions that were initially considered a reserve for men,driving big cars and even getting into safari rallies,boxing,heading corporates,whatever you can think of,we are doing it.But its not all glam. It comes with its own share of challenges,things that our mothers never really told us.Its not always about good grades and going into uni and maybe being lucky enough to get a well paying job.

Sexual harassment.

All i remember my mum telling me is whatever happens while job hunting,your dignity should always comes first. I’ve heard of ladies who’ve been harassed at their places of work,and how ugly it can get.Most recently i read somewhere about a lady  who was beaten up by her employer after failing to give into his advances and am sure many have lived through it.Some who i like to think are faint hearted gave into the advances and finally got their jobs only to live as slaves in their work places.You learn to make tough choices on your own by yourself.

Frustration at work.

You finally get your dream job in your dream company most probably as an intern on probation basis.Fact is whatever it is you learnt in school rarely comes into play in real life and practice.You learn on the job.That means you’ll more than once need guidance from those who’ve been there.And thats where the challenge begins.Some will literally refuse to assist,others will assist but only once so sort yourself next time,and then there is the evil crew.Those who will literary block all of your new ideas simply because they are not accustomed to change and would rather do things same old way.More like a routine.You will feel bad,broken even but don’t give up.Cry it out when you get home in the evening you’ll feel better and he next day walk with your head high.

Career first/marriage first.Which one first?

Your mother will never really push you to settle down first,most probably she’d prefer you get your bearing first career wise.But then again thats just mum,she knows whats best for a lady your age.The society on the other hand will keep reminding you,you probably need to get a man and pop a kid.(Not that kids are pop corns).So you’ll get invites for baby showers and be called upon to assist in the preparation of your cousins pre-wedding and all eyes will be on you until one if your aunts who is bold enough will ask “Just when exactly do you plan to settle down?”You will be tempted to blurt out something rude but you hold back.why?you know you’ll only make things worse and two mum brought you up way better .

The only true lead you can get is that a lady in this era is trying to be independent,stronger than ever and really trying to redefine the definition of a lady not only for this generation but for many more to come.

So you all complaining about too much emphasis being put on girl child education and women empowerment should probably start focusing on the boy child too though the last time i checked they were way ahead ain’t sure where exactly they lost their bearing

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When love fails and all that is left are memories

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Well I haven’t been totally honest with you. I have been seeing someone for the past three months and we are already on the verge of giving up on each other or so I think. He’s is my typical kind of guy.Tall, handsome, intelligent (I mean we even did an IQ test on line just to prove), neat, hardworking not to forget in love with Christ (What most would call saved, a term I try to avoid).

So like I said, it all begun a couple of months ago when I just landed my new job(you know the one have been going on and on about?yeah,the PR thing).I had no intention whatsoever of settling down in a relationship anytime soon especially after the heartbreak I went through sometime back. If anything I was so keen on getting my career up and running and my hard work has paid off, I recently got a promotion the kind and it came with my own office overlooking the beautiful town under the sun.

It all started like a sick joke.Adrian, unlike the rest of the men in the office was keen on genuinely helping me get my footing and in getting accustomed to how things work. I was so green. Eventually I found myself referring to him whenever I needed assistance in anything I did and that’s how we became friends. We would go out for lunch and he’d walk me to my bus stop every evening.

All this time, I was getting all this annoying vibes from my other colleagues but my mind was set, “Honey, you’ve got to get your career rolling first, the rest will follow.” And so I ignored each and every advance, though Adrian and I would occasionally joke about relationship issues and sometimes even adding his surname to my title.

With time the talks and messages became intense and eventually his intentions became clear not just to me but to everyone around who cared to observe keenly. I wasn’t sure at first if he was the guy for me, maybe it’s because he isn’t much of a talker like myself(well i can be loud sometimes) so he at times wasn’t really clear on what he wanted .

With time I got accustomed to his nature and things were going smooth up until he started getting to comfortable around me and he stopped trying. He stopped kissing me like he used to, calling me, texting me.I no longer felt like the sexy lass he used to make me feel some time back, I no longer felt like a woman around him. It was as if he knew I was there to stay and there was no point of him trying to hard anymore. He had me and clearly not about to leave any time soon or so he thought.

All this while I had been trying hard not to let my feelings and frustrations get into the way of my work. I’d worked tirelessly to get to where I was and there was no turning back. I had to make a quick decision and reorganize my priorities. Clearly I wasn’t in his top list anymore, so why the hell should he be on mine.

Fridays had for a long time been our together time but they were no longer as fun and interesting as earlier. But this Friday was different, I had made up my mind. I wasn’t going to be tagged along in a relationship I no longer felt useful and happy as I had once felt.

As we sat down to relax after eating a meal I had prepared with so much love and hate at the same time, I knew I had to tell him. It has to end today, right now.

“Adrian, we are done. I love you, always have always will but I feel you no longer value me as much as you use to. I don’t want to get tied down in a boring relationship that is taking all of my energy.”

I didn’t wait for a response and annoyingly he didn’t even bother to put up a fight, clearly all love was lost yet I thought at least we were hanging on a thread but obviously there was none.

I walked into his bedroom, one I had gotten so much used to like it was mine but today I felt like a total stranger, intruder, impostor just to say the least. I changed into my clothes (yeah I know what you are thinking and yes I was in his shirt, I mean come on it’s a Friday night) and made for the door. The darkness outside didn’t scare me at all, It was much better than feeling safe yet hollow inside in someone’s arms.

In silence and tears, I walked to the bus stop. I felt like the heavens and angels were looking down and crying with me.But I had made up my mind, I’d rather shed this tears now and save myself the heartache that I would have faced had I done it later. It was late, getting a bus to my place was going to be a real hustle, but I was going to wait any way. Even if it meant till morning.

I was deeply engrossed in my own thought I didn’t hear the foot steps behind me close in and stop very close to me. “Love, do you want me to put a ring on it?” Wait, that voice sounded so familiar. It couldn’t possibly be him, come on it cannot be him. So I turned and there he was, the tall, handsome, skinny figure of a man I had fallen in love with some time back. Did he really mean it, was he just saying it for the sake of it, why did he have to wait for me to come all this way just for him to realize I wasn’t kidding? Its at that point that the doubts creeped in again.He wasn’t saying it because he really meant it but because he wanted me for the night or so i thought and still do.

See the good thing is I’ve learnt my lesson,i might have been ready for love but love wasn’t ready for me and most of all its okay to be alone.The memories never really fade,probably never will but whatever happens ,for now am okay being me,having my peace,living my life and really not being answerable to anyone.

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Living life with a special kid

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Living life with a special kid

Being a young lady at the age of 24,all you want to do is live your life to the fullest,make as many mistakes as possible after all they will serve as a lesson later on in life.But in my world,you never really get a chance to do that.You have to take care of each and every step of the way,it means living a military life with or without a commander barking orders at you,it means learning to make decisions by yourself and living up to the consequences simply because your decision is not yours alone,it affects every aspect of my life and by life I mean my 13-year-old sister.

See from the moment she was born,I knew she was partly my responsibility what i didn’t know is there was something special about her.As she grew up the signs became more pronounced but it never really did bother me,you know what they say about blood being thicker than water,well i actually have lived by that all through.Its after a couple of consultations that we were told she is autistic.I wasn’t shocked,i wasn’t worried,hell it didn’t make any difference to me.All that stuck is the fact she needs extra care and attention.Which Ive tried to do all my life.

It has not been easy,at times she gets super violent and containing her becomes a problem so we opt for medication.The medication helps though ii comes with its fair share of problems,but it makes life bearable whenever she’s having her episodes.Sometimes I want to cry but the pain i see in my parents eyes gives me enough strength to keep holding on,it means not going for mass even when we really need Gods guidance and strength something many people take for granted,i means waiting for the day to end just to rush home and see if shes okay,if her day in school was good,if her clothes have been pressed just the way she likes it,if her plate,cup and spoon are in the right place.It means making sure her routine is followed up to the letter,any interference is recipe for disaster

With all that comes learning to live your life and hers too.It means not slipping,it means having a high sense of tolerance and patience.Even with all the challenges that comes with it,I still wouldn’t ask for a better sister,when she laughs it feels like a star shining right in our lives.The best part is ,she is my eating partner,prayer partner and a good one at that.

There are so many things I would love to do ,so many places id love to visit but if my sister needs my assistance,i wouldn’t think twice on helping.Once a receptionist in a certain hospital(one am loyal to but wont mention)where i take my sister for review told me,”Its my doing these little simple things that you’ll get your blessing.” It’s as if she could see right through me,but then again i am seeing the blessings she said taking course in my life.

To all the parents and siblings living with autistic kids,keep taking of them with all you’ve got .Go out with them,forget the stares you get from people when your kid rocks or does something odd,they too have a problem to deal with the only difference it you are brave enough to deal with yours out in the open while they are hurting with theirs on the inside which is way worse.Or so I figure.